slowly working through Pete Rollins's book

Haven't posted about Pete Rollins lately...from chapter three of How (Not) To Speak of God:

...our reflections on God never bring us to God...speaking of God is never speaking of God but only ever speaking about our understanding of God. (p. 32)

This inspires me to seek God humbly. To strive to know Him better, and receive His love; but not to think I've got Him figured out. When I read others who say the Bible is clear and without ambiguity; I just don't think that's honest. The Bible is wonderful and confusing and beautiful and mysterious. I don't think God wants it to be easy for us. I think he wants us to pursue Him and wrestle with the Bible; always asking and listening and learning.

Here is one of the posters from Emerging Grace:

check this out

There is this huge thing going on between emerging church folks and several folks who run watchdog websites--people who feel it's their calling to point out why everybody who thinks differently is wrong.

One of these sites is Pyromaniacs. They recently published a series of posters mocking the emerging church conversation. They are very creative, but a little mean-spirited.

Emerging Grace has just published a series of posters that better represent her perspective on the conversation. They are really wonderful.

oops

Two days ago I said I was going to try to post every day. That didn't last long! It's 11 pm; I'm totally and completely exhausted. After a very stressful week I preached twice today; at New Hope (our old church) in the morning, and at Convergence tonight. I don't see how many pastors do this every week.

But it's a good kind of exhaustion; it was a good day; got to spend time with a lot of friends, old and new.

I spoke this morning about finding our identity in God's love. Simple yet profound; something that I think many of us just don't get. I spent some time reading some other blogs; watching people fight about doctrine and right belief; totally void of the love of God. Sad. I shouldn't waste my time there; but it's like passing an accident and not being able to keep from looking.

Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.

John 17:3

random thoughts

I'm allowing myself to be way too busy. I'm going to try to start writing every day; even if it's just a sentence or two. God is getting our attention in a big way right now. We recently found out our health insurance is not going to cover Jamie's pregnancy and delivery of the baby (Jamie is due in 6 weeks). There was a waiting period when we added Jamie to the policy, and we didn't read the fine print. Dumb mistake on my part; but I'm not going to dwell on it...

This has forced us to our knees, praying for faith that God will provide, and wisdom to make good decisions. I'm stressed, but that keeps me turning to God. We've talked about doing a home birth with a nurse or midwife--anyone have any experience with that?

I'm working on a sermon for Sunday--preaching at New Hope, my old church--about how we often find our identity in what we do, rather than in God. Very good stuff for me; I'll post some notes and thoughts when I'm done.

I am grateful to Stushie, who reviewed my blog here and encouraged me to write more often.

baseball

I went to the Nationals' game vs. the Cubs Monday night with John, Kenny, and Ed. I love baseball. There is something about the perfect symmetry of the field, the green grass, the relaxed pace that suddenly gets broken by a hit or a run...the ballpark has always been one of my favorite places to watch, eat, drink, and hang with friends.

But baseball is also hard for me these days. I used to umpire high school ball in Texas; it was a real joy and passion in my life. As a single guy, I worked games 5-6 days a week and loved it. My best friends were guys I worked with. Some of my favorite memories are umping tournament games at the Rangers Little League park, then going out for dinner and beers with my buddies. I remember working a no-hitter thrown by a guy that later got drafted. I once worked a ten-year-old AAU national championship game--what a celebration!

Since moving to VA and becoming a husband and father, baseball has taken a backseat. I haven't umped a game in five years; and I really miss it. I can't drive by a high school field without feeling a deep sense of loss and longing. And if there's actually a game going on when I drive by--forget it; I'm depressed for a few hours.

Now, I wouldn't change anything--my wife and kids give me more joy than I've ever known. But I still miss baseball. I hope that in a few years, when we're past the baby stage, I'll be able to get back into it. I look forward to taking Brady to his first major league game, and teaching him the intricacies of the game. Baseball is a lot like life--full of beauty, sometimes slow and relaxed, sometimes full of confusion and surprise and heartbreak. Some games you can't wait for the end; others you wish would go on forever.

As I sat and watched the other night, I felt so content; happy to be with my friends, feeling a cool summer breeze, seeing some good baseball action, and thinking of my family waiting at home for me--one of those "life is good" moments.

freedom

last night we talked about bondage and freedom. In studying and preparing, I wrestled with the idea of freedom in Christ. Where is that balance between not being under the law, yet not having freedom to do anything and everything we want. If there are things we can't or shouldn't do, are we truly free?

Then it hit me that freedom isn't about being able or allowed to do anything/everything; freedom is about connecting with God, and being free, (not being restricted) from anything that gets in the way of us becoming God's. Freedom is living life the way God intended; loving Him, loving people. True freedom helps us be authentic, who we truly are.

We talked about being in bondage to things--the law, guilt, selfishness, bad habits, negative self talk, a sense of duty, unhealthy relationships...but we can also be in bondage to things that appear to be good--serving, ministry, work; if we do them because we think we ought to.

True freedom is becoming all that I can when God's Spirit lives in and through my life. It happens as there is less and less between God and me, and more of Him in me.

change

nothing huge to say tonight; just some random thoughts about change, which we talked about in worship Sunday night...one of our men pointed out that everything in the universe changes; I know that's kind of obvious, but I had never really given it much thought. Pretty cool...

I looked back over my own life and was amazed at how much (and how often) change has occurred. Even skipping over the childhood changes, here's a run-down:
15--parents divorced
17--fell in love/got my heart broken
18--finished high school
joined the army
went to Colorado
partied hard for 2 years
20--started college
became a Christian
24--ended 3 year relationship
25--grad. college
started full-time ministry
27--moved to Fort Worth, TX
10 years in TX--8 homes, 6 jobs, 5 girlfriends
37--moved back to VA
38--got married
gained a daughter
lost my father
39--bought first house
41--fathered a son
became a lead pastor
42--another baby coming

it never slows down!

We talked about how some people thrive on change, while others are uncomfortable or fearful of change.

I also began thinking about how change happens in two ways:

1. change that we initiate; taking risk, attempting something new, making a decision that leads to change
2. change that happens to us, outside our control, because of choices other people make, or God, or chance...

I guess it's about approaching life proactively or reactively. I think those that seek change (for good reasons) tend to get the most out of life, or enjoy it most.

So my question/challenge for anyone reading this: look at change in your life--do you initiate change, or is it something that tends to happen to you? I'd love to hear comments!

a great deal, and great tv

check out this incredible deal at amazon. Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christian trilogy boxed set, usually $65.85, on sale for $13.17! These books really changed a lot of how I think about and see and experience God. I know Brian is considered controversial by some; but honestly, these books are phenomenal. I bought 5 today to hold onto for future gifts.
Update: the sale is over. bummer.

I'm not usually a fan of reality TV, but my favorite new show is Top Chef, on Bravo. It's kind of like Survivor meets American Idol meets Rachel Ray. It's fun watching the contestants create these incredible dishes, and also watch them get competitive with each other. Check it out Wednesdays at 10 pm.

seeing yet not fully seeing God

From How (Not) To Speak of God, by Pete Rollins, chapter 2:

...we ought to affirm our view of God while at the same time realizing that that view is inadequate...it is important to bear in mind that this deconstruction is not destruction, for the questioning it engages in is not designed to undermine God but to affirm God.

I am grateful that God, while being above and beyond my grasp, makes Himself real and available to me. I do not have these conversations about God apart from Him, rather, He is a part of these discussions. I do not wrestle with questions of theology and philosophy on my own, I do it with Him! My doubts and struggles and questions do not undermine or diminish God--they could never do that--instead they make Him more real to me. The mystery doesn't keep me from him, rather it causes me to pursue Him more!

a rare sunday morning at home

not speaking anywhere this morning; trying to get a paper done for school--it's going to be late :(

The rest of the family is gone; so I'm having some quiet time before getting back to the paper. I have been reading Elizabeth Edwards's book Saving Graces. I spent the last half hour crying as I read the chapter about the death of her 16-year-old son. Obviously being a father with a pre-teen, a baby, and a baby on the way makes this hit home. I lost my father three years ago, and still grieve over that; but I cannot imagine losing one of my children.

Mrs. Edwards writes with honesty and strength and beauty. The book is wonderful (so far); I highly recommend it.

rough day

today was one of the roughest days I've had since becoming a pastor. One of our friends who has worshiped with us several times sent an email with feedback on last night's worship. Most of the feedback she has given in the past has been very positive; but this one was extremely negative, from start to finish, and most of it was about me.

I tend to be very sensitive, and was exhausted after working all weekend; so the email hit me pretty hard. I let myself feel the pain of being harshly criticized for a while, then tried to evaluate the criticism. Much of it was founded. We evaluate our worship honestly each week, and I was thinking some of the same things. We had a discussion about wisdom; and the discussion never really moved beyond pat, "churchy" answers. Not what we wanted; but we were not prepared enough to go where I would have liked to take it. That's our fault, and I know we'll learn from that.

I think what was hardest was not the criticisms, but the way they were presented. Email is tough; you don't see facial expressions or hear someone's tone of voice. It was also hard because there was nothing positive, just one negative after another. It's always easier to take criticism if there is some encouragement as well.

It also hurt because this is a person I genuinely like. We've had a few conversations that I really enjoyed; and I have been looking forward to growing a friendship. I hope that will still happen. I also hope they will not be put off by this experience. I say all the time that worship is different week to week; I hope they will give us another chance!

speaking God's name

How (Not) to Speak of God, Pete Rollins, chapter 2:

God is not a theoretical problem to somehow resolve but rather a mystery to be participated in...'knowing' in the Hebrew tradition is about engaging in an intimate encounter rather than describing some objective fact: religious truth is thus that which transforms reality rather than that which describes it. (p. 23, emphasis mine)

Why are some people so opposed to mystery? Why do they belittle the faith of those who speak of God in these ways? Are people afraid that God can't do what he wants in the lives of people unless they figure him out and come to absolute conclusions about Him? Isn't He great enough to work in the midst of mystery?

If I had to choose between understanding God or experiencing God; I'd take the latter. But I don't think we have to choose; I think both are possible to a point...but that understanding comes in bits and pieces, in many ways. Since I have been letting go of trying to make the Bible and my theology fit into a neat package, I've experience God in so many ways--through the Bible, through God's Spirit, through relationships, through daily life, through Creation. I've said before nothing helps me know and experience the love of God more than the relationships I have with my children.

Yesterday B said his first word. I wish it was "daddy," but it wasn't. It was "Grandpa." Sitting and playing on my step-dad J's lap, he said "Grandpa;" not once, but four times! It was beautiful seeing the tears of joy in J's face. As a baby, B doesn't know or understand a lot. But he knows who loves him, and he knows who he loves, and he expressed his love in a beautiful way simply by saying the name of the one he loves. "Grandpa."

May we love the same way, "Father...Abba...Daddy..."

One of my struggles is reading the emerging church watchdogs. I know I shouldn't; it's a waste of time, but I do it anyway. The more I read, the more I'm amazed that professing Christians can behave this way. Maybe by sharing some of this and trying to laugh about it will help me not get so frustrated about it. A recent favorite was the guy who referred to the emerging conversation as the "emergent church spiritual bowel movement. ." Kind of ironic since he also refers to emergents as "potty-mouths."

defining God v. responding to God

More great stuff from Pete Rollins, How (Not) to Speak of God, chapter 2:

The difference between the idea that our Christian traditions describe God and the view that they are worshipful responses to God is important to grasp, for while the former seeks to define, the latter is engaged with response. (p. 21)

I find that I connect with God more these days when I worship Him and respond to Him rather than trying to figure him out...Not that I don't ask questions; I'm finishing a philosophy course titled "Who is God" that is kicking my butt. It's got me asking all kinds of questions about omnipotence, foreknowledge, prayer, hell, suffering...But I find myself interacting with God more than ever in the midst of those questions. I used to feel like not knowing or understanding something made me feel further from Him; but now I feel just the opposite--questioning and seeking draw me to Him.

traffic advice

Here's some simple but great advice from CoolPeopleCare--an organization worth checking out! I've been trying to do some of this--it makes a huge difference in my attitude to let people in rather than getting mad.

Let Someone In
by Sam Davidson

You're not in that much of a hurry.You stopped speeding, you use your blinker all the time, and you finally curtailed all of that nasty road rage. Prove it by letting someone else in. Even though you took Driver’s Ed., you're still not sure whose turn it is at those pesky four-way stops, blinking lights, or nervous roundabouts. Take the high road and motion your fellow travelers to go ahead of you. You'll be sure not to waste time with a fender bender, and someone's day might be made a little brighter by your generosity. Let one person cut in front of you in traffic today.

Doug Pagitt jumps in

In February, at the National Pastors' Convention, my friend Josh and I had the opportunity to spend some time in conversation with Doug Pagitt. We were talking about the Christian watchdogs on the internet (which I often read, and hate myself for wasting the time). I told him that he was still kind of under their radar. Not any more. Last week Doug was interviewed by Ingrid Schlueter, (one of the watchdogs). You can listen here.

A lot of folks have jumped into the conversation. I'm glad so many have offered Doug their encouragement (not that he needs it...my guess is that Doug is pretty secure and not too upset by the criticism). One of the best responses is here on Fajita's blog.

I'm convinced there are two kinds of people who listen to and read these watchdogs (they call themselves discernment ministries--but I don't really see any ministry being done, only judging and condemning anyone who has a different perspective. They are most adamant about condemning successful ministries).

I think the people reading the watchdogs are:
1. People who have made up their minds about all matters of faith and have nothing more to discuss. They are convinced that they are right about everything and anyone who disagrees is wrong. They find support when they slam others and have their friends encourage them to keep it up.

2. People like me who read them, still amazed that people who call themselves Christians can be so oblivious to one of the Bible's main themes--to love one another. Now, they say they are loving, by telling the truth in love, but come on--there is no encouragement, only condemnation in their speech.

People read this stuff because they agree with it, or they don't. I really doubt that anyone is changing their minds because of it.

I also find it sad that they lump together a wide variety of churches and styles and perspectives, ie. emerging church, emergent, seeker-senstitive, megachurch, purpose-driven, contemporary worship, and announce that all those involved in these types of ministries are deceived, and that all leaders are bound for hell.

OK, I'll get off my soapbox for now.

on a lighter note...

ever have a tough time parking? take a few minutes, relax, and enjoy...

catching up, Johnny Cash, Pete Rollins

Been way too busy; always feel behind, too much to do, not enough time. It's 1:30 am and I should be in bed...

Sunday was great, we talked about the unique path that each of us takes as we walk through life with Jesus, and how God uses all of who we are. I used Johnny Cash as an example--a man who sought God; was sometimes very close to Him, other times off on his own, but artistically and spiritually was an amazing man. We watched the video to the song "Hurt." (click to see the video) If you've never seen it; stop and watch it now. It's the most powerful music video I've ever seen.

OK, more Pete Rollins; chapter 2, short but deep:

the relationship we have with God cannot be reduced to our understanding of that relationship.

Think about that for a while; I'm going to bed.

42

Today is my 42nd birthday. It was a great day...started with a walk through the neighborhood with Brady...then off to work, where Lisa, Joy and Kurt gave me a birthday cake and sang to me at staff meeting...lunch with my friend Fred at the original Hard Times Cafe in Oldtown...tonight a beer with Josh, Tom and Lore at RiRa's, a great Irish restaurant. I'm so grateful for terrific friends!

embraced by God

More from Pete Rollins, How (Not) to Speak of God, chapter one:

The emerging Church is thus able to leave aside the need for clarity and open up the way for us to accept the fact that what is important is that we are embraced by the beloved rather than finding agreement concerning how we ought to understand the beloved (as if a baby can only really love her mother if she understands her.)

I love the comparison of our love for God with the love of a baby for her mother. My relationship with my son Brady (11 months) has enriched my relationship with God. I better grasp His love for me because of the incredible love I have for Brady. I am filled with the purest joy I've ever known each time I look at him.

When he reaches his arms out for me, I pull him to my chest and hold him tight--that's the most wonderful feeling I've ever known. At the same time I see his love for me, his desire to hold onto me and play with me. I want to have that same love and desire for God; to simply long to be in His presence, in His arms.

transformation and revelation

Pete Rollins, How (Not) to Speak of God, chapter one continued:

What is important about revelation is not that we seek to interpret it in the same way but rather that we all love it and are transformed by it.

I really like this. I need to hear this (I think a lot of us do--on both sides of the emergent fence). We get so caught up in explaining and arguing and conversing; we are spending a lot of time talking about God, and not much time with God.

I don't want God to look at me and say, "He's really wise, he knows his theology." I want God to look at me and be pleased that I am seeking Him, and becoming more like Him, and doing what I can to care for people. I want to be transformed. I'm not saying theology isn't important, just that it isn't the most important thing. God is great, and powerful. He doesn't need me to figure everything out in order to use me. As He transforms me, I believe He can help me know and understand Him better, and my theology will grow out of that.

One thing that is transforming me these days is engaging in "fixed-hour prayer," or in some circles, "praying the daily offices."

Simply put, praying at regular times throughout the day, mostly from Scripture. I've been using Phyllis Tickle's The Divine Hours. Check out her website, or see the prayers online here.

I grew up thinking that prayer was supposed to be spontaneous; that written prayers were not real, or heart-felt. So spontaneous prayer has always been a part of my life. But discovering the beauty and power of praying Scripture, and prayers written by other Christians over the centuries has been wonderful.

Here is one of today's prayers from The Divine Hours:

O God, who by the glorious resurrection of your Son Jesus Christ destroyed death and brought life and immortality to light: Grant that I, who have been raised with him, may abide in his presence and rejoice in the hope of eternal glory; through Jesus Christ my Lord, to whom, with you and the Holy Spirit, be dominion and praise for ever and ever. Amen.