Remembering Clarence Clemons

I've linked to several tributes to Clarence Clemons on facebook and twitter this week. This has hit me really hard. Those who know me know that I am a huge Springsteen and E Street Band fan. They have been a part of my life since my friend Jeff first introduced them to me in 1983. I saw my first concert in 1984.

For almost 30 years, I have bought each album they put out, and seen almost every tour they've done. I saw them for the tenth time in 2008 with my daughter Ashley. My most recent concert was in 2009 with my friend Kenny (my most frequent date to Bruce shows; I think that was our fifth together).

The music that Bruce and Clarence made was a crucial part of the soundtrack of my life. Their music is always the most-played on my ipod, and the concerts are amazing, spiritually uplifting experiences.

A few months ago I read Clarence's book, Big Man: Real Life and Tall Tales. It was wonderful, and helped me better know the man whose music I've enjoyed over the years.

So when Clarence died last week, I felt like I'd lost a friend; someone who had been involved in my life for a long time. I was driving home late at night when my friend Andy called and told me. I put some Springsteen on the ipod and listened to the beautiful sounds of Clarence's sax as I grieved.

Clarence's death also impacted my boys. Brady and Cash love listening to the Bruce and the Band--on itunes and watching concert videos. (If you've never seen London Calling: Live in Hyde Park, check it out. In my opinion, the best Springsteen concert video.)

Brady has a toy saxophone; he and Cash (on drums or guitar) love playing along with the band. When Clarence had the stroke a week ago, I told the boys he was sick, and we prayed for Clarence. They prayed for him every day last week, so Sunday morning I had to tell them he had died.

Brady responded really well. He said, "Clarence is in heaven now right?"
"Yes," I said.
"So he's with Jesus now. He's OK. And someday, I'll get to see him!"

A little later, when Cash woke up, I heard this exchange:

Brady: We have some sad news. Someone died yesterday. Do you know who?
Cash: No.
Brady: Clarence died yesterday. He's in heaven now.
Cash: Why?
Brady: Sometimes people die when they are sick and they don't get better.

The boys rebounded from their grief a lot faster than I did. We have been listening to Clarence for the last couple days.

I remember something Clarence said in his book, about Danny Federici, E Street Band member who passed away in 2008: "I will miss him every day that I am alive."

I hope you are free and at peace and still making amazing music, Big Man.

Leaving Mountain View

I'm pretty up and down today. I am in the closing out process at school--I spent this school year substitute teaching at Mountain View High School. I was fortunate to get two long-term jobs this year--one in English, the other in earth science.

I enjoyed riding to school with Ashley (and having her drive this past month!) We got some good time together; it was great being in the same school together. She is so much fun to be with, has a great sense of humor, and is getting smarter every day.

Side note--I just got Ashley's transcript for her freshman year. She took eight classes (five of them honors/advanced), and finished with 6 A's and 2 B's. She's so awesome!

I'm excited about our move, but I will miss coming here each day; this has been a great place to work. The two years since leaving my last regular job have been difficult, but being here at Mountain View has been wonderful. I have enjoyed getting to know so many of the students, and feeling like part of a team, especially with the English teachers.

(Today is also tough because I'm grieving the loss of Clarence Clemons. I'll write about that later, in another post.)

So I will miss this fantastic group of teachers I've been able to work with. I will miss laughing and sharing stories with the students. I will miss watching Ashley play soccer, and her friends, and her coaches. I will miss getting up every day and going into the school, knowing I could make a difference in the lives of some young people. I will miss the crazy clothes and styles, talking to some of the guys about football and baseball, and re-reading great literature like Gatsby and Mockingbird.

As I get older I understand more the idea of seasons that my former pastor Harold talked about. Life is made up of seasons, some longer than others; each one shaping who we are, and preparing us for what's next.

So while I will miss much about this past year, I am grateful that I got this season. Rather than regret leaving here; I will be glad for this past year--the friendships, the conversations, the memories.

My season at Mountain View was short, but very sweet. I will smile whenever I think of this time. And that's something to be thankful for.

Tomorrow I'll write about the larger season of my last nine years in Virginia.

Going west

Bellingham, WA, where I will be working

On July 12 we will head west for Burlington, WA, for our next big adventure. I will be working for Logos Bible Software in ministry development--building relationships with people at conferences, seminaries, churches, denominations, and universities; to discover and share how Logos can help them.

We have been hoping and praying about moving to Washington for years, and now the opportunity has come. Jamie will transfer to a Starbucks out there, and we will live with Jamie's mother until we find our own place.

While it is hard to leave family and friends in Virginia, we are excited about living close to Jamie's family and many old friends. Our plan is to pack over the next three weeks, have the movers pick up everything on July 11, and we will roll out on July 12.

Over the next few days I am going to write about the move--the process, the decision, and our thoughts and feelings about such a big change.

Breathe

I haven't written in a few weeks; just been really busy, and a lot going on with decisions we have to make for the future. I can't really say a lot now, but I needed to write, just to get some things out there.

Too often, it's not until I get into stressful situations that I realize how lazy I have been in my relationship with God. My journey over the last 10 years has taken me to a place where I have a lot of questions these days, where I wrestle with things rather than just find an answer.

Why is this happening? What is God doing? What should I be doing? How do I make this decision? ... these have been running through my mind for the last month.

I'm trying to focus on the "What is God doing" question, specifically in the present. Not wondering about the decision I need to make next week, but what I need to do today to move me toward that.

What do I need to talk with my wife about at this point? How can I best love her and value her and learn from her, with where we are today? How can I best love and teach my kids today, especially when I'm stressed and short-tempered?

How can I breathe, relax, let go, and be myself; trusting God for today?

Simply pausing long enough to write this out helps. As I often do when stressed (and now is one of those times--big time), I ponder the good: an amazing family that blesses me every minute of every day, a job I love going to (even though it's short-term, I love it today!), baseball, friends, a great network of people praying for us and supporting us, weddings (I had one a couple weeks ago, and another this weekend), sports to watch (Go Mavs!), books to read (Dallas Willard's The Divine Conspiracy), good TV (watching Rescue Me on Netflix).

Next week may be stressful; heck, tomorrow will probably be. But today I'm enjoying all the great things in life, and trying to give tomorrow to God.

another question about hell

From Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christian:

Religious determinists have offered us another determinism we could call the “soul-sort” universe: everyone will be sorted into either the destruction/damnation or the redemption/salvation bin. Everyone is determined to end up in one or the other. That sounds good if you’re one of the chosen few, but, then again, how could good and generous people rest in peace or celebrate in bliss when they know the majority of their ancestors, friends, family members, and descendants are experiencing eternal conscious torment in hell? (p. 195)

This is a question I have really begun to wrestle with. There is no easy answer, and it’s not a debate that’s going to be settled anytime soon. But I think it is an important conversation to have—to think, share ideas, listen, ponder, read, study, wonder…It’s one of those issues that isn’t as black and white as we may want it to be.

Brian asks an interesting question in a recent blog post, responding to a question about whether or not Osama bin Laden is in hell: “Do we fear that God will be excessively merciful or excessively harsh?”

Thoughts, anyone?

Brian McLaren on church

From A New Kind of Christianity:

The church, then, in Paul’s mind, must be above all a school of love. If it’s not that, it’s nothing,. Its goal is not simply to pump knowledge into people, but to train them in the “way of love,” so they may do the “work of the Lord,” empowered by the Holy Spirit, as the embodiment of Christ. Perhaps school isn’t the best metaphor, though, unless we think of a karate school or a dance school or a language school—not simply a community where you learn or learn about, but where you learn to. (p.170)

Too often we think of church as a place to impart information, rather than a group of people who walk through life together. The types of schools Brian gave as examples are schools that are more about doing something, as well as learning something. The knowledge we often gain in church does little more than make us feel better about ourselves, or more sure of our position (and as a result, more critical of others).

Church should be a group of people who “do life together.” People committed to looking beyond themselves to the community and world around them, striving to establish God's kingdom and helping make the lives of others a little better.

common ground

With all the differences within the Church, what is the one common mission or message?

“To form Christ-like people, people of Christ-like love.” (A New Kind of Christian, p. 164)

Yesterday I posted a passage (which Blogger lost, and I don't have the book with the quote anymore) about diversity in churches and denominations, and how that can be a good thing. So if we celebrate diversity instead of judging or criticizing those who are different, what do we focus on? What do we seek as common ground? It’s easy to focus on the differences, but what do we have in common?

Instead of making sure that others have the right theology; what if we simply love them as Christ loves them, and walk by their side as they go through life. What if we allow the Holy Spirit to teach and grow and correct?

I’m not saying we never teach or disagree or offer correction to someone else. But we should do it in a spirit of humility, not arrogance; remembering that there are times when we may not be right, or have the only valid perspective. Our focus should be to love one another, and let God do the molding and shaping. I notice that anytime I get too focused on what I think God wants to do in someone else’s life, I lose sight of what God may be doing in my life.

Gospel of the Kingdom (more from Brian McLaren)

In A New Kind of Christian, Brian McLaren describes a conversation with a well-known Evangelical theologian:

(he) upset years of theological certainty with one provocative statement: “Most Evangelicals haven’t got the foggiest notion of what the gospel really is.” He then asked me how I would define the gospel, and I answered as any good Romans Protestant would, quoting Romans. He followed up with this simple but annoying rhetorical question: “You’re quoting Paul. Shouldn’t you let Jesus define the gospel?” When I gave him a quizzical look, he asked, “What was the gospel according to Jesus?” A little humiliated, I mumbled something akin to “You tell me,” and he replied, “For Jesus, the gospel was very clear: The Kingdom of God is at hand. That’s the gospel according to Jesus. Right?” I again mumbled something, maybe “I guess so.” Seeing my lack of conviction, he added, “Shouldn’t you read Paul in light of Jesus, instead of reading Jesus in light of Paul?

--p. 137-138

I think the theologian Brian refers to is Dallas Willard. I heard Dallas talk about this several years ago, and was really impacted by his ideas about the Kingdom.

I think many of us have elevated the writings attributed to Paul above the words of Jesus in the NT. Paul is more black and white, easier to understand and apply. But Jesus’ words, while not always as clear and straightforward, reveal first-hand the heart of God.

Much of the language we use in our modern (and post-modern) Christian culture is not found in the Bible; rather, it is language that comes from our interpretations of the Bible—“personal Lord and Savior,” “make a commitment to Christ,” “the sinner’s prayer.”

In applying such language, we have simplified the Gospel to this: Jesus died on the cross and was resurrected for one purpose—so that those who decide to follow/accept/receive Him will live in heaven forever when they die.

While that is a core belief for Christians, and it is truly good news, it is not necessarily the good news that Jesus proclaimed. We have the idea that the Gospel is about us, about how we can overcome death and go to heaven. But when we look at the words of Jesus, it seems that His priority was his kingdom, and living it out on earth. This is important because it helps us take our focus off ourselves and put it onto others.

Much of our traditional language about the Gospel is focused on our response and reward—we accept Jesus, believe in him, profess him, and obey him—all so that he will be with us, bless us, protect us, and most of all, save us from hell.

But Jesus was most concerned with us learning how to be faithful to him, and living life focused on others. His main message was to love God and serve our neighbor, to do what we can to make the world a better place.

In this I fall terribly short. Especially over the last couple years, as I have tried to keep my family above water financially, finish my MDiv, and look for the next job/ministry/adventure. I have become very self-absorbed. I realize that I do very little to contribute to God’s Kingdom beyond my family and friends.

We are in a period of transition—there will be some new things coming soon for us as a family. I am hopeful that we can have a kind of fresh start, and commit as a family to be more involved in helping to live out God’s Kingdom in our community.

random thoughts

Just some random thoughts on a Friday night. It was a good week; worked at Mountain View most of the week--fun in PE class (whiffle ball), English, Chemistry.

Had some good and bad baseball this week. A fun, come from behind win by the home team in a local varsity game tonight; and a 15-1 private school blowout yesterday. The language in baseball is pretty rough, even in high school. At least at the private schools, they preface the profanity with prayer; ie. "Jesus Christ, I didn't hit that worth sh*t!"

Tonight I was standing near the plate between innings, looking up at the sky--it was beautiful. We had rain earlier, now it was clearing up, the sun was going down, and the sky was filled with scattered clouds and rays of sunshine breaking through. Just then, three old airplanes flew over the field (there is an old air-field nearby). Watching those planes fly across the sky, with the clouds and the colors of the sunset behind, was breathtaking.

I stood there thinking how great my life is. Even in stressful times, I am blessed with a family that fills me with joy, a home, great friends, and baseball. I love baseball season. I love umpiring. 2 games tomorrow; better get to bed.

Seeing through the Bible

more from A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren:

…seeing Christ as the hinge of the biblical story, the spine or backbone of the narrative, the climax and focal point toward which the Old Testament points and ascends and the peak from which the vigor and vitality of the New Testament flow. This is how Jesus can be seen, for Christians, as the supreme and ultimate revelation of God, with the Old and New Testaments pointing to him like dual spotlights…

Don’t simply look at the Bible, I am suggesting; look through the Bible to look at Jesus, and you will see the character of God shining radiant and full. (p. 118)

In his gospel, John identifies Jesus as the Word. Yet today, when we refer to the Word, we are almost always talking about the Bible. Is this wise? Is it accurate? Do we run the risk of worshiping the Bible instead of Jesus? The Bible is not the goal—Jesus is. The Bible is an amazing collection of writings that all tell the story of God and His relationship with His people. It is a great tool or resource to help us learn about and connect with God; and we believe that God communicates through it; but it is not God.

To live according to the Word…I want this to mean that I live in intimate relationship with Jesus. Reading the Bible, studying it, praying it, living in it--helps me in my relationship with Jesus; not by telling me what and what not to do, but by revealing the heart of God, seen through his interactions with his people over thousands of years, and embodied in the life and teachings of His son, Jesus.

The Bible helps me better see God’s heart, God’s desires for my life, God’s hopes for the world we live in. The Bible comforts me when I am hurting, encourages me to be the man God wants me to be, challenges me when I need it, and most of all, shows me the amazing, endless, perfect love of the God behind the words and stories.

retreat

Yesterday I got to spend some time on a pastors' retreat with a group of guys from Christ the King Community Church in Washington. CTK has done a great job of creating a multi-site church where several local congregations are connected to the church/network for resources, leadership, etc.

It was great to be a part of the meeting--I got to hear much of their history, how things are going, and where they are headed. CTK currently has 21 congregations in Washington, 9 in other states (from Idaho to Florida to Texas, and several other states), 2 in Canada, and multiple groups in India, Kenya, South Africa, Philippines, and Pakistan.

It was beautiful to see the openness of these pastors sharing some of their stories (the good, the bad, and the ugly); being real and honest, in what is probably the only place they can do that. I was impressed with these guys from different backgrounds, different personalities, different life experiences, all working together to impact their communities for Christ.

Dave Browning, who leads CTK, has written some great books--I read Deliberate Simplicity last year and and recommend it to all pastors and church leaders.

In the midst of a fun but somewhat stressful week, it was great to spend the afternoon with this group, being both challenged and encouraged about life, ministry, church, and family.

new friends

Today was a really great day. I met some new people, and spent several hours in really good conversation. I'm on spring break, and the pace of life has slowed down a bit. I am reminded that when life gets so busy and rushed, we miss opportunities to slow down and really listen to someone.

Today I met several new people--two of whom are newlyweds (always fun to be around them, they are so full of joy), and spent several hours talking with a new friend; a guy who took time out of his busy day to spend with me. It's encouraging when you talk and realize that others have similar experiences, have been through similar struggles, and are experiencing similar joys and challenges.

That's when I experience God's Kingdom, people living life together and encouraging one another. I love seeing how God works in people's lives and blesses them. And I feel God's blessing when I get to be a part of those conversations and experiences.

dark day

Yesterday was a dark day. Yes, it was Good Friday, the day we remember Jesus' crucifixion, in anticipation of His resurrection.

But on a more temporal level, it was a dark day because Jim Larranaga resigned as coach of George Mason's basketball team to take the head coaching job at the University of Miami.

Coach L was at Mason for 14 years and did amazing things for the program, including leading them to the Final Four in the greatest run in tournament history, culminating with an overtime victory over #1 UConn.

I've had season tickets with several of my best friends for the past 9 years. Basketball season is my favorite time of the year. At the end of each season, we go to Richmond for the conference tournament, where we stay in a hotel and act like we're in college again for the weekend. It is something I look forward to all year long.

Coach L leaving hit me really hard yesterday; I will grieve this for a while--it feels like losing a close friend. We had one of the very best coaches in the country.

But it is a good reminder that life is full of changes. So I'll grieve, but also look ahead, and I'll always root for Mason.

Images for Good Friday

Some images for reflection on Good Friday. We used these in worship at Convergence a few years ago. (I'm sorry I don't have title and artist info.)

Jesus like God, or God like Jesus

More from A New Kind of Christianity by Brian McLaren:

Elton Trueblood: “The historic Christian doctrine of the divinity of Christ does not simply mean that Jesus is like God. It is far more radical than that. It means that God is like Jesus.”

In other words, the doctrines of the incarnation and deity of Christ are meant to tell us that we cannot start with a predetermined, set-in-stone idea of God derived from the rest of the Bible and then extend that to Jesus. Jesus is not intended merely to fit into those predetermined categories; he is intended instead to explode them, transform them, alter them forever, and bring us to a new evolutionary level in our understanding of God. An old definition of God does not define Jesus—the experience of God in Jesus requires a brand-new definition or understanding of God. (p.114)

This was really interesting to me. I realized that I have always seen Jesus as somehow less than or smaller than God. I've had this idea of God that is big and wide and incomprehensible, but my understanding of Jesus was simpler, more finite.

Thinking this through over the last few days has started to turn that around in my mind…Jesus, in a way, seems even more complete than God the Father, in the sense that he is something new, or more—he is also human. He takes physical form. He embodies everything God is, not just on a spiritual level, but also on a physical level.

Jesus is God, and He contains everything that is God. What is God like? God is like Jesus. All the things that Jesus said. All the things that he did. That’s God.

Now, I know all of this is perception--God is not "less than" anything. And my growing understanding is still very far from truly comprehending God. But my perception of God/Jesus is very important in defining how I relate to God, Jesus, and everyone else. Lately I'm thinking that the Bible is not so much about telling me how to live my life, as it is about helping me to know God better, more personally, more intimately. And that's what Jesus helps me do--as I read of his life in the Bible, as I pray, as I strive to live out his love for God and for people.

Maundy Thursday Prayer

A Prayer for Maundy Thursday:

On this holy night we dine together as the body of Christ, and at the table commit ourselves to love and serve one another. On this holy night, then, let us pray for the church and all humankind.

God our provider, you feed us with the bread of life and lift for us the cup of salvation, on this night Jesus gave us this holy feast:

may all who gather at your table receive a foretaste of the eternal banquet.

God of love
grant our prayer.

Servant God, on this night Jesus washed his disciples' feet: may we follow this example of love and service.

God of love
grant our prayer.

God of compassion, on this night Jesus prayed for those who would believe through the message of the disciples: may those who gathered on this day to renew their ordination vows so live what they proclaim that all may come to know your saving love.

God of love
grant our prayer.

God of renewal, on this day oil was consecrated for use in baptism and healing: we pray for all who will be anointed with these holy oils, for the sick, and for those preparing for baptism.

God of love
grant our prayer.

God our companion, we pray for those unable to eat at the Lord's Table or at any other table, for those who betray and for those betrayed, and for all innocent victims.

God of love
grant our prayer.

God of hope, remember all those in need, especially those we silently hold before you now ...

God of love
grant our prayer.

Holy God,
you give us this meal of bread and wine
in which we celebrate your great compassion;
grant that we may work with you to fulfil our prayers,
and to love and serve others as Christ has loved us;
this we ask through Jesus Christ our Redeemer,
who is alive with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever. Amen.

"by Bosco Peters (www.liturgy.co.nz)"

using the Bible

Album cover from Arcade Fire's Neon Bible

From Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christianity:

God’s character is never revealed fully at any single point in the story, nor can it be contained simply in any list of propositions or adjectives derived from the stories of the past. Instead, we can only discern God’s character in a mature way from the vantage point of the end of the story, seen in the light of the story of Jesus. (114)

We do our listeners, our readers, the Bible and ourselves a disservice when we make pronouncements or judgments based on one verse or passage or situation or event. We’ve got to see the big picture—everything leading up to Jesus, and everything following seen in light of Jesus’ life and teaching.

Too often we use the Bible to say what we want it to say. Usually what we want to say is good, but we need to realize and communicate that what we say comes from us, not directly from God. Even our words that come from God’s Word, are filtered through us, and we bring our own stuff to them.

Another mistake we often make is to find several different, unrelated passages, written by different people, which speak to our subject, and put them all together as if they all say the same thing.

A big trend in church is the use of topical sermons. They can be great, but it is really difficult to avoid proof-texting when writing a topical sermon. What often happens is this, we pick a topic, look for Bible passages that address that topic (either directly, or though indirect interpretation); then put together a message based on the 3 or 4 points found.

How often do we hear a message (accompanied by a fill-in-the-blank outline) that uses 7 Scripture passages from 5 different books (and 5 authors) of the Bible, with 3 different Bible translations? I'm not trying to be critical, and truth is, I've done this plenty of times myself.

But when we use Scripture this way, we’re not engaging the Biblical text on its own terms, or seeing it in its own context. It becomes too easy to use Bible verses to support our ideas, rather than letting the Bible form the basis of our ideas. We limit the texts’ ability to say something new or enlightening. This is easy to do when we see the Bible as a constitution, not so much when we see it as an inspired library.

This is one of the beautiful things about using a structure or outline such as a lectionary for preaching. It allows a community to work through the Bible, and challenges the preacher to read and teach the whole Bible, listening to how God speaks through all of it. It also leads to fresh, exciting new insights for both the preacher and the congregation.

thoughts from Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christianity--a posture of wonder

Could it be that God’s Word intends not to give us easy answers and shortcuts to confidence and authority, but rather to reduce us, again and again, to a posture of wonder, humility, rebuke, and smallness in the face of the unknown?

The “us” in the previous sentence raises another question. Do we have a voice in the biblical drama? In other words, does the Bible tell us to shut up and listen, because everything is settled? Or does it invite us to be part of the conversation? (p. 93)

I love this. Digging deeper, seeking to know Jesus through the Bible, doesn’t lead us to theological supremacy, but to spiritual humility. And as Brian illustrates using the story of Job, we do have a voice in the biblical drama. The Bible comes alive as I interact with Jesus—reading, praying, listening, processing, wondering, applying, imagining.

God didn’t make us in God's image so we would shut up, listen, and obey; but so that we could interact with God, relate to God, grow in God.

I think of my children, especially my two youngest. At 3 and 4, they know very little of me. They don’t know all the things I do and think and feel. They don’t know my hopes and dreams for their lives. They don’t understand all the little things I do to teach and train and encourage them to grow into healthy young men. They know very little about all that happens behind the scenes, when they are not watching.

But they know that I love them, with a fierce love that would do anything for them. They know I miss them when I’m gone, and that I am filled with joy when I return to them. They know they can depend on me to protect them and provide for them. They know I am there for them, no matter what.

That’s the love God has for me. There is so much about God that I don’t yet get. I have a lot of questions. But I believe God loves me. I believe God is working behind the scenes in a million ways that I don’t get. I believe that God is with me and for me the same way I am with and for my kids (times a million). Wow.

reading through A New Kind of Christianity--clarity and mystery

(not sure what I'm trying to say with this image, but it is rather thought-provoking)

From A New Kind of Christianity by Brian McLaren:

Does the Bible alone provide enough clarity to resolve all questions, as a good constitution should? No. We have no reason to believe it was ever meant to do that, as much as we’ve tried to force it to do so. From all sides it becomes clear that the Bible, if it is truly inspired by God, wasn’t meant to end conversation and give the final word on controversies. If this were its purpose, it has failed miserably. (This fact must be faced.) But if, instead, it was inspired and intended to stimulate conversation, to keep people thinking and talking and arguing and seeking, across continents and centuries, it has succeeded and is succeeding in a truly remarkable way. (p. 92)

God’s purpose in the Bible isn’t to give us encyclopedia-like answers. It’s not to end the discussion with the simple, final solution. As Brian said, if that were its purpose, it has failed. We have hundreds of Christian denominations in the US, many thousands worldwide. If the Bible is so simple and clear, how can we—the Universal Christian Church—be so divided? There are so many differences, yet each group believes they have the right answers and the correct interpretations.

I wonder if having it all figured out causes us to rely less on God. Following God becomes a list of do's and don’ts (even though we claim it doesn’t)…And if we think we’ve got it figured out, then the only thing left is to do what we think we’re supposed to do.

With everything figured out, there is no mystery. There are no questions. We don’t really even need much from God now, God has served his purpose by giving us the Bible and the correct interpretation and understanding. In that line of thinking, all we need now is God’s strength and discipline. Seems like a pretty shallow relationship to me.

The older I get, the more I realize there is more and more that I don’t have figured out. Things that don’t make sense to me. Questions about the diversity and complexity I see in the Bible, in my fellow man, in myself, in the world we live in. I feel like I am more childlike, not out of anything noble, but because I am often clueless before the God of the universe.

But God does not leave me in my ignorance—rather, God reveals himself in the amazing stories of the Bible, and in the conversations I have with my wife and my friends, and in the laughter of my children, and the joy I find when I teach, or write, or umpire.

Reading through A New Kind of Christianity

I'm reading A New Kind of Christianity by Brian McLaren. Brian's writing has really spoken to me over the years. I remember the first time I heard of him--it was actually the first time I met him. He was speaking at my first Leland retreat in 2002. I was drawn to his gentle spirit, his passion for God, his honesty.

We have connected several times over the years, and I am always encouraged by his words; both in print and in our conversations. Several years ago we had a conversation at a church where we happened to run into each other. We were talking about something--I don't remember the topic now--but his eyes lit up at something I said and he opened his Bible and read a passage that spoke to that topic. His love for Jesus and people was obvious.

Brian doesn't need me to defend him; but I realize that by identifying myself with him, I may need to defend both of us to people who see him in a negative light. One of the images that often gets used by Brian's critics is the "wolf in sheep's clothing" label.

You may not agree with Brian (I don't always agree with him), but he is nothing like a wolf. He is a gentle, humble man who strives to be faithful to Jesus. And the more I read the Bible, and pray, and get to know my Savior, the more Brian's ideas ring true to me. A New Kind of Christian was life-changing for me, as well as many others.

I'm not going to review the book, but share some passages that speak to me and cause me to think as I read it. I really like the discussion of how we often view the Bible as a constitution (which I have never believed it was meant to be seen), rather than as an "inspired library." That makes a lot of sense to me. Here goes:

The Bible, when taken as an ethical rule book, offers us no clear categories for many of our most significant and vexing socio-ethical quandaries. We find no explicit mention, for example, of abortion, capitalism, communism, socialism, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, autism, systemic racism, affirmative action, human rights, nationalism, sexual orientation, pornography, global climate change, imprisonment, extinction of species, energy efficiency, environmental sustainability, genetic engineering, space travel, and so on—not to mention nuclear weapons, biological warfare, and just-war theory.

(p. 68-69)

This doesn't mean that the Bible doesn't or can't speak to this topics. But it does mean that any conclusions we draw about about God's perspective on these topics (and many others) are filtered through our own thoughts, biases, presuppositions, desires, understandings and interpretations.

In case after case in the past, there is a kind of Bible-quoting intoxication under the influence of which we religious people lose the ability to distinguish between what God says and what we say God says.

(p. 70)

We must have some humility and open-mindedness to be faithful. We can't become so arrogant that we are convinced our perspective is the absolute truth, and everyone else has it wrong.

I recently read a quote by a big name pastor and author in evangelistic circles. Speaking of C.S. Lewis, he said, "...there is no one quite like him. He does so much good and gets some things so wrong." He's basically saying that when he agrees with Lewis, Lewis is great; but when they disagree, Lewis must be the one who is wrong. That kind of arrogant self-confidence is dangerous. It's OK to disagree, but none of us are always right. Teachability is crucial for growth.

We are not all going to draw the same conclusions, and we must be careful not to be so rigid that we don't allow ourselves to learn and grow and evolve. Yes, I said it; our faith must evolve, as our relationship with and understanding of God grow.

As my faith has evolved, I feel less certain about some things, but more convinced of others. I am more convinced that God loves us and longs to live in intimate relationship with us. I am more convinced that God is working to establish His Kingdom more and more in our world. I am more convinced that nothing is more powerful or wide or deep as God's love.

sheep

© 2006 Fran Mallon

For the Lord YAHWEH says this: 'Look, I myself shall take care of my flock and look after it. As a shepherd looks after his flock when he is with his scattered sheep, so shall I look after my sheep . . . I myself shall pasture my sheep, I myself shall give them rest-declares the Lord YAHWEH. I shall look for the lost one, bring back the stray, bandage the injured and make the sick strong. I shall watch over the fat and healthy. I shall be a true shepherd to them.'
Ezekiel 34:11-12, 15-16


I've fallen into a trap recently (OK, maybe for the last couple years) of talking more about theological differences and conflict than about God, his love, his Kingdom, and his hopes for us and our world.

Those who know me know I have gone through a transformation over the past 5-10 years; from being conservative both theologically and politically to rather liberal/progressive. I don't really like those labels--for a lot of Christians, liberal means less dedicated to God and/or the Bible. Although I see things very differently than I used to, I am more committed to God than ever. I love and appreciate the Bible more than ever. I want to follow God and strive to live out the Kingdom faithfully.

But I don't think that looks the way I used to. I don't want to get into philosophical differences. I want to try to use this space, and my time writing, to be positive about God, faith, life, love, people, Jesus, the Bible, etc.

Our culture has become so divided, it's easy to fall into debate. I don't want to do it anymore. I want to focus on Jesus, and His Kingdom, and how to live it out. I want to teach my children how to love God and love people with all their hearts.

The passage above, taken from today's reading from Phyllis Tickle's Divine Hours, reminds me that God is watching over us, loving us, seeking us. We often feel like we've got to correct each other, and make sure everyone is believing the right way. We fight to get things figured out, then fight to make sure everyone else listens to us and understands and agrees.

I want to let go of that. I just want to be one of God's sheep; content to live in His care. I don't want to care so much if others agree or disagree with me. I want to live out God's love so much that others are intrigued and want to know God too. Then I want to trust God to take care of them, like the good shepherd He is.

trying to look outward

Entering the City
Jan Hynes

I have been lousy at writing. I often start to write something here, then think, "That's not worth blogging about. No one wants to read that." But I need to stop worrying about that, and just write. The writing is as much for me as anyone else, maybe more so.

I also don't want it to just be talking about my life. We have a family blog for that. (That one is by invitation only--so let me know if you'd like to read it.)

It's been a difficult couple years spiritually--since leaving Convergence. I've got some great friends that encourage me spiritually and emotionally; but what I really miss is having something regular--a group of people who invest in each other's lives; encouraging, challenging, serving.

I need to be serving even more than I need to be served these days. Life has been so fluid and changing these days that I just don't feel grounded. Our job situation, our living situation, our finances--are all so uncertain; the result is we spend all our time and energy thinking about ourselves. We become so inwardly focused.

As I watch my boys play, I realize that's not what I want for them, or for us. Even when life is difficult, especially when life is difficult. We need to be focused outwardly. I want our lives to be devoted to loving God and loving other people.

I'm going to find something to do with the boys today that helps us do that. Maybe we'll go out in the neighborhood and pick up trash, making God's beautiful creation a little less soiled. I'm going to schedule some time to get with a few of the people who encourage me and draw me closer to God.

This is the purpose of this writing--it helps me connect with God, and with myself, the part of me that often gets buried under the junk of life, the part of me that is simply a child of God.

I'll close with a Palm Sunday prayer from my daily Emergent email, by Christine Sine:
Let us enter the city with God today
Let us sing hosanna to our king
To the son of God riding on a donkey
With shepherds and prostitutes,
With the blind and the leper
With the abandoned and oppressed
Let us shout for joy at Christ’s coming
And follow the One who welcomes the sinner and dines with the outcast
Let us touch and see as God draws near
Riding in Triumph towards the Cross

update

Thanks to Gator Gal (who are you?) for the push--I was shocked to see how long it has been since I posted. The winter has been good but hard. Still no permanent job. I have been doing a long-term sub job teaching 11 and 12 English at Ashley's school for the last 3 months; it's been great. I'll finish up this week; then go back to regular subbing.

I recently had an interview with a private school; hoping to get news about the job in the next day or two; so I'm pretty anxious right now.

Not preaching much these days; I was helping a church through the summer and fall; but they called a pastor and don't need me any more.

I started doing P90X in December and have been enjoying that; I'm in the best shape I've been in for many years.

This coming weekend is Richmond weekend; the time of year (next to Christmas) that I most look forward to. Several of my college buddies, and a few who have joined us over the years, go to Richmond to watch George Mason in the Colonial Athletic Association mens basketball tournament.

We get a hotel suite and spend the weekend watching basketball, eating, drinking, and walking around Richmond. We've been doing it for almost 10 years; it is truly one of the highlights of the years. I love the freedom--for 3-4 days we have no responsibility, no schedule, no work--just fun. We talk, walk, tell stories, share memories, enjoy great food and beer. I love it. This should be a good weekend; hopefully we'll win the whole thing, which means we're in Richmond from Friday through Monday.

And as much as I love it, by the end I'm ready to go back home, because I miss my family.

Life is really good and really hard these days. But I continue to try to trust God (I don't always do it well). I believe/hope that 10 years from now we'll have some great stories to tell about how God sustained us and was working to bring us to some great things.

family update

Hello to you faithful few who check in here once in a while. I keep meaning to write more...well, good intentions and all that.

Life is beautiful and stressful these days. Still no full-time job. A few interviews, but no results. Had one church ask me to be their pastor, but the situation wasn't right for my family. We are still hoping to move to Washington, so we're looking in both places.

I'm looking at more school--CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) at Mary Washington Hospital; and a secondary education licensure program at Mary Washington University.

I'm getting sub work most days at N. Stafford and Mountain View (Ashley's school). In fact, next week I'm going to be subbing in Ashley's English class--on her birthday! How cool is that!

Baseball is winding down; I got lots of umpiring work this fall, have games for the next week or so, then it will be done until March.

The kids are great--Ashley ran cross country and did very well--she had a hip injury and ran through the pain most of the season. In the district meet, she was obviously hurting with each step. When she crossed the finish line she burst into tears from the pain. I would not have been more proud if she won the race. Hopefully she can rest and heal some now (although she still has a few weeks of soccer).

Ash is loving high school and doing great in her classes. She and I get along better than ever, talking and laughing about school, boys, and teachers. We watch Modern Family together--it's great!

The boys are doing well; they go to preschool three days a week and love it. Their teachers say they are bright and fun and sweet. We got both boys baseball gloves this fall and they love playing ball. We're cheering for the Rangers in the World Series; getting a little worried!

Jamie is working part-time as a shift supervisor at Starbucks. She's great at it; but we're all feeling the financial stress. We've put the house on the market, hoping to sell soon. She's also trying to do a lot with her Stampin' Up business; she is really creative and loves it.

Even with the stress, life is good. The kids give us so much joy. We've had fun going to high school football games; they love it--cheering for the wildcats, talking to the teenagers, drinking hot chocolate. Today we're going to Kings Dominion for the last time this year.

I'm trying to spend more time praying and being aware of God's presence. There are a lot of "why's" and "what's next" and "what do we do" questions these days. I'm trying to not get caught up in the questions--but trying to pray and look and listen.

Fresh Starts and Second Chances

Here is a link to a video of me preaching on Fresh Starts and Second Chances at FBC Springfield a couple months ago. First time I've seen myself preach on video. Feels weird. I like the message, but I said "umm" too many times.

Jesus and Establishment

First night of my final class at Leland; Who is Jesus. Should be a good class, last night about archeology; good stuff.

Got me thinking about Jesus and how he was perceived by his peers, and how people today perceive him. Very differently. Jesus was anti-establishment. Strange how we have made him the center of the establishment.

I'm not saying he shouldn't be the center of the church, he is and should be. So perhaps I'm saying the church shouldn't be so "established." It doesn't get much more established than the way many of us see and do church.

But Jesus didn't lead an organization. He led a wild, diverse group of rebels and revolutionaries. He and his followers rebelled against the established religion of the time--not by bringing a new religion, but by bringing truth and honesty about the relationship between God and his people. He pointed out how God's followers missed the mark, and tried to help them see God more the way He wanted them to.

Jesus taught that what mattered was one's heart and actions. It was about loving God and loving others, not about following all the laws just right. He talked over and over about helping, serving, giving.

I grew up hearing that the Christian faith was about getting right with God--being born again, living righteously, doing what I was supposed to...good things, but it was all about me doing what I was supposed to in order to please God.

There was little focus on others--ministry and missions was kind of an afterthought, and still more about me doing the things I was supposed to, than it was about the people I was to serve. I think this attitude is still prevalent among many evangelicals.

Over the last 10 years my perspective has changed radically. The black and white, cut and dried, questions and answers faith I had is gone. I still believe in Jesus, I still love and worship him, but I have more questions, more wonder, less clarity and simple answers.

Brian McLaren's book A New Kind of Christian really captured what I've been thinking and feeling. This description from his recent book A New Kind of Christianity does as well:

My disillusionment was intensified by what was happening in the Christian community in America during the 1980s and 1990s. A large number of both Protestant and Catholic leaders had aligned with a neoconservative political ideology, trumpeting what they called "conservative family values," but minimizing biblical community values. They supported wars of choice, defended torture, opposed environmental protection, and seemed to care more about protecting the rich from taxes than liberating the poor from poverty or minorities from racism. They spoke against big government as if big was bad, yet they seemed to see big military and big business as inherently good. They wanted to protect unborn human life inside the womb, but didn't seem to care about born human life in slums or prisons or nations they considered enemies. They loved to paint gay people as a threat to marriage, seeming to miss the irony that heterosexual people were damaging marriage at a furious pace without any help from gay couples. They consistently relegated females to second-class status, often while covering up for their fellow males when they fell into scandal or committed criminal abuse. They interpreted the Bible to favor the government of Israel and to marginalize Palestinians, and even before September 11, 2001, I feared that through their influence Muslims were being cast as the new scapegoats, targets of a scary kind of religiously inspired bigotry.

Their stridency and selectivity in choosing issues and priorities at first annoyed, then depressed, and then angered me. They had created a powerful, wealthy, and stealthy network dedicated to mobilizing fighters in their "culture war."

So now we have growing numbers of churches and communities pushing back against this mindset--typically labeled the emerging/emergent church. In many evangelical circles, McLaren and those who think similarly are branded rebels, revolutionaries, even heretics.

It seems obvious to me the establishment that the emerging church is pushing back against has a lot in common with the established religion of Jesus' time and place.

Many of us are asking questions and exploring different ways of worshiping and fellowshipping and being the church; not because we want to destroy Christianity, but because we love Jesus, and long to create a church that continues to become more of what Jesus lived. A church that is not focused on itself, but on doing anything and everything possible to live out the Kingdom of God. A church that takes risks and asks hard questions and is willing to try something different, even radical, for the sake of Jesus and His Kingdom.

I have said things like this before, and fear I am doing too much deconstructing, and not enough building up. That's where I want to try to go. I want to find new ways of doing community, or church, that focus on others, seek to serve and give, aren't so concerned with organization and structure, but on relationships.

I think it starts close to home, so Jamie and I are talking about getting something going with our neighbors. After three years of pastoring a church that is an hour away, I am eager to do church with people down the street, even next door.

We're just starting to talk, but I need to make sure we take some action.

One example--we have some friends who are not currently plugged into a church. They are committed Christians, but are looking for the right community. So lately, they have been seeking people and organizations to whom they can give their tithe/offering.

Knowing we are in a really desperate financial situation, they gave us their most recent offering. That's what the church can be; people who live in community together sharing, giving, serving. I'm so grateful for the gift, and also thinking of how we can give or serve them in some way. Maybe they'll be a part of whatever church community we get going.

thoughts on the "ground zero--mosque" controversy

Matt Sledge at Huffington has a great piece on the "ground zero--mosque" controversy.

here are a few of my thoughts on the situation:

I think there is a big difference between "at" ground zero and a few blocks away. Much of the conversation I'm hearing assumes that the community center/mosque is going to be right where the towers stood, and that's not the case. I would hope that hearing that fact could impact people's perception.

I want to believe that we as a nation can rise above and continue to promote the freedom and liberty we always have--for all people, regardless of religion or race.

I guess the big difference here is that some people cannot or will not separate the terrorists of 9-11 from all Muslims. For me, it's like holding all Christians responsible for the actions of one who kills an abortion doctor, or identifying all Christians with someone like Fred Phelps, the Baptist pastor who disrupts soldiers' funerals, preaching that those deaths are God's judgment on America.

For those of us who are Christ followers, I think we share His love when we relate to others, even Muslims, with peace and love rather than with protests and exclusion. I think Jesus would condemn the actions of the terrorists, but not hold it against other people who were not involved, just because they share a common race or religion.

I realize my perspective is different than a lot of Christians, and I want to have the same grace and understanding toward them that I am asking for; so I don't mean to come across too strong.

community

I posted the following under the comments of a recent post, but realize few people probably saw it...plus, I want to add some thoughts.

I think one of the struggles is building authentic community as an organization. community happens best organically, naturally.

I have four friends that I watch GMU basketball with. We have known each other for years, love and support one another, feel totally comfortable together. That's real community.

The few churches that I've seen that have done well at building community started with a commitment to selflessness and serving. They also encouraged people to be deeply involved in each others' lives on a daily basis, not just on Sundays. It's hard to build these things into an existing community if they are not part of that community's DNA from the beginning.

But even those churches struggled when they got bigger. I am a big fan of smaller when it comes to church/community. (Take a look at Dave Browning's Deliberate Simplicity; great book)

My friend Joey was working on a model of bringing Jesus and the Kingdom into existing communities--families; neighborhoods, businesses, etc.--rather than building new communities and inviting people--giving them one more group/thing that cuts into their time. This really intrigues me.

I'm a big fan of small--small communities, small groups, etc.

I have a good friend who stopped going to church recently. Bottom line--he loved it when he knew most of the people--when the church was 200 people, there was a real family feel. Now that there are 800 people, he feels lost, not as connected. I understand.

I would prefer to start a community rather than join one--with people who are like-minded, who want to share their lives; live near one another, serve each other, worship and fellowship together.

Ideally, I'd love to find a non-church job and have the freedom to start something new--a community that I didn't have to depend on for income.

OK, lots of random thoughts; still thinking about how this would really look.

Springsteen in London

If you have never seen Bruce Springsteen in concert, than you have not seen the greatest live show ever. Plain and simple. You may not agree, but you'd be wrong. I've seen over 75 concerts in my life, many of the biggest performers over the past 30 years, and no one puts on a show like Bruce. No one's body of work over the last 35 years compares to his. And the energy of Bruce and the E Street Band in concert is unparalleled. The guy is 61, and rocks harder than most people half his age.

A high school friend introduced me to Bruce's music in 1983. Up to that point, I usually just listened to the radio, and Bruce has never been much of a mainstream radio guy.

But when Jeff played "Born to Run" for me, I was hooked. Here was great, driving, rock music with stories and characters and images--all very real and powerful and fascinating.

On November 11, 1984 I saw Bruce in concert for the first time. I cannot describe how amazing that experience was. 23 years to the day later, I took my daughter to see Bruce in concert (it was my 10th time; I've now seen him 11 times).

Each time he puts out an album, I get it immediately; each time he tours, I try to get tickets. His music has become the biggest part of the soundtrack of my life. Each song takes me back to the time of my life when I first heard it.

Last week I got Bruce's latest concert video, from a performance at London's Hyde Park last year. It is truly the best of his concert videos. And the best part is that my boys love watching it--so we've spent a lot of time the last few days listening to Bruce and the band.

If you get a chance, give it a look/listen:

Badlands

London Calling

Waitin' On A Sunny Day

Born To Run

uncomfortable thoughts about "church people"

OK, this may be just a time to vent. If so, feel free to move on. But I promised to write, and right now this is on my mind. I've been a "church person" for 25 years. I've been in ministry for 22. I have loved most of the churches and ministries I've been a part of. I have known many wonderful people, developed beautiful friendships, been taught and loved and encouraged and challenged.

But right now, I'm struggling with church and church people. Leaving my last ministry has been extremely hard, even over a year later. I know it's impossible to be objective, but I still feel like I was wronged by some people that I loved and trusted. It was hard watching people I really respected and admired make some choices that looked very poor.

I have seen a couple people that I considered good friends turn their backs on me, refusing to communicate at all--phone, email, facebook...it's hard, not knowing why people don't want to be friends anymore.

What prompted some of this was thinking about different people in my life; especially some who have been incredibly supportive and helpful over the past year, or even longer. What was interesting was realizing that many of them are not "church people," or even Christians.

There is K; a good friend who doesn't consider himself very religious--although he is becoming more and more spiritual in his thoughts and actions. He has helped me out financially and emotionally over and over for many years. He has supported me and put up with me and loved me unconditionally.

My friend N, who is not a Christian, and who I rarely see these days, but continues to follow me on facebook, and always has words of encouragement.

My relatives C and L; not church people, but the kindest, most giving people you could know. The always give and encourage and serve.

And several of those who have been there for me, who are Christians, are not necessarily ones I have been in church with. They come from other backgrounds and traditions--but have truly lived out the Kingdom in our relationship.

These are people I have close, open relationships with--regardless of church connection. So what does all this mean? for me, I realize that church is not where I am finding my spiritual support these days. Now, part of that is because I speak in different churches on Sundays; so I'm not at the church where we belong a lot. And it's hard because we live 45 minutes away. I would like to be in a church that is closer, but our kids are really invested there, and it has been great for them.

Now, I do have many wonderful Christian friends who continue to love and support and encourage--especially J, M, A, K, D, E, T....and others.

But it struck me that the spiritual support in my life is mostly outside of a church community. I have mixed feelings about that. I have some thoughts, but want to spend some time with them before writing more.

I am always curious about feedback--who is supporting and encouraging you? Is it happening in church? out of church? both?

I'm off to umpire a baseball game, which is usually a very spiritual experience for me!

back again

I am the world's most pathetic writer. Four months since my last post. It's been hard to get motivated when I don't feel I have much to say. Being unemployed has a lot to do with it--after a year, it's easy to start feeling pretty low about my value as a minister and teacher. There have been a couple jobs that looked promising that didn't work out. I had an interview for a teaching position today that I thought went well. I should near something by the end of next week.

I'm tutoring and umpiring baseball. Still searching, applying, sending resumes, both here and in Washington. We were hoping to move out there this summer, but it hasn't worked out that way.

One plus to unemployment is having a lot more time with my family.

The highlight recently was graduating from Leland. Twenty years after taking my first class, I completed my MDiv. (Although I still have one class to finish up; I'm taking it as an independent study this summer.)

The graduation ceremony was great, and Jamie and my mom gave me a wonderful graduation party.

I am feeling the pull to write again--actually, it never leaves me; but I ignore it, and hide from it. But all I can do is keep trying.

Still feeling out there as far as community. We are back at New Hope, but I don't feel a part of things there the way we used to be. We'd love to find something closer, but haven't found anything yet.

OK, got to run--need to job hunt, and Top Chef is on soon.

Richmond trip

Johnny, Kenny, and Andy outside the coliseum, before losing to VCU.

The view from our seats

I'm in Richmond for our annual trip to watch the Colonial Athletic Association basketball tournament. It's been a fun weekend, but we (George Mason) had a disappointing loss in our first game. After three straight years of making it to the championship game on Monday night, it feels strange to be done Saturday night. We have had some good food, and enjoyed hanging out in Richmond. We'll spend one more night and head home tomorrow.

working

Should have posted sooner, but with my lack of posts, I doubt anyone is reading. Maybe you have me in a feed that shows you when I post. If so, hello.

I am finally working--temporarily. I got a long-term sub job, filling in for a teacher out on maternity leave. I'm teaching 9th grade English at North Stafford High School, and loving it.

It was an exciting start. The school called me on Feb. 17 and asked if I could start March 1. I talked with the teacher and we planned to get together and work on the transition. The sub scheduler called me back that night, said the teacher went to the doctor and was put on bedrest, and could I start tomorrow.

It was a little scary jumping in with no prep time; on the other hand, we need the money so an extra week and a half was good. I have enjoyed getting to know the students and being back in a classroom every day.

The days are really long now--teaching during the day, then class and umpire training at night (I umpire high school baseball). I don't see my kids as much (that was one benefit to being unemployed). But the days and weeks go by really fast when you're this busy.

As I write this I am in Richmond for my annual trip to the CAA Basketball tournament with some college friends. It is great to get away and relax, not have anywhere to be or anything to do for a couple days.

The sub job will last until late April or early May, then I'll be looking again. I am flying out to Washington to talk with with a church about a job in April. I'm also trying to finish up several classes so I can graduate from Leland in June.

Life lately has been busy and stressful, but still a lot of fun.