random thoughts

I've been horrible at posting lately...life is just way too busy (my constant excuse). We had a baby three weeks ago (well, my wife did all the work). She doesn't like me to post personal stuff on here for the world to see, so we have a family blog (pictures and family news) open by invitation only. If you know me, and would like to see it; let me know and I'll send an invitation.

we had a great service Sunday afternoon; talked about Lament. We had a dramatic reading of some Psalms of lament, then talked about what lament is; then had people write their own laments. I hoped one or two might share theirs; about 10 people read theirs--very powerful! I often feel so busy on Sunday that I don't feel focused on worship; but this week was great.

If you haven't listened to Sinead O'Connor's CD Theology; I recommend it. We used the song "Rivers of Babylon" Sunday. (The lyrics are from Psalm 137). We've used a couple of the songs in worship...

church is good; lot's going on...trying to figure out how to recruit and equip volunteers, best structure for leadership...

I finally ordered a macbook--UPS's website says it should arrive today!

Just ordered Tim Keel's new book, Intuitive Leadership: Embracing a Paradigm of Narrative, Metaphor, and Chaos ...very eager to read it!

Still working my way through Brian McLaren's new book; great so far; I'll write more soon...back to work.

please pray

One of my favorite people is Kenn Kington. Kenn is a fantastic comedian, writer, and speaker. Even more, he is a fun, loving, Godly man. I met Kenn four years ago at a ministry conference. We hit it off right away and have stayed in touch since. He's been a great friend to us at NorthStar--speaking at our annual meeting in 2004, leading a singles conference in 2005, and bringing his Ultimate Comedy Tour to Columbia Baptist and to GMU.

Kenn has also been a great friend to our family. He and Ashley are great buds--she gets to go backstage and hang out when he performs nearby; and he once came to watch her play soccer. Kenn is truly one of the good guys.

I just found out yesterday that Kenn's four-year-old daughter Kennedy Grace has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. She was diagnosed in April and is undergoing treatment. You can read about Kennedy Grace here.

Please join me in praying for Kenn and his family. I also highly recommend his books--great stuff on relationships, and his DVD's--great family comedy.

more from Everything Must Change

working through Brian McLaren's Everything Must Change. Great read so far; very relevant to thoughts I have been having--which I find often happens with Brian's writings.

He talks about how he was influenced by the situations of people in other countries--Rwanda, Burundi, South Africa. I have been struggling with this; feeling that we (western Christians) are concerned about people near us--we are horrified at violence and terrorism and disaster when it happens in our own backyard; but not so concerned when it is on the other side of the world.

Brian confesses that for years,

I also knew that most churchgoers, including myself, either didn't share that concern for the poor or didn't know how to turn concern and good intentions into constructive action. (p. 16)

In chapter five Brian says that the Christian religion

has specialized in dealing with "spiritual needs" to the exclusion of physical and social needs. It has specialized in people's destination in the afterlife but has failed to address significant social injustices in this life. It has focused on "me" and "my soul" and "my spiritual life" and "my eternal destiny," but it has failed to address the dominant societal and global realities of their lifetime: systemic injustice, systemic poverty, systemic ecological crisis, systemic dysfunctions of many kinds. (33)

Brian is often accused of focusing too much on social problems and not enough on the spiritual. But I think he is saying they must go hand in hand. God doesn't separate them. Jesus said we should love people and meet their needs--physical and spiritual.

The Christianity that we live out here doesn't make much sense in much of the world. How can it, when we are so rich, yet do so little to alleviate suffering in much of the world?

I'll climb off my soapbox. I'm loving this book; it has me thinking much more globally, which is what I believe God wants for those of us who follow Him.

good week

OK, I'm still a long ways from writing every day, as I intended. Oh well.

It was a good week--we had our first jazz service last Sunday; it was awesome! Never in Denver led the service; they were incredible! We're going to do this the third Sunday each month for a while.

Lisa and I led worship at Daybreak Community Church today; giving them a little taste of Convergence. It was good--Lisa did a fantastic dramatic interpretation of Luke 8.

Hear the new Springsteen song here.

I'm sitting in my office on Sunday afternoon, listening to Harp 46 rehearse. How cool is that!

comments on Everything Must Change

Started Brian McLaren's new book, Everything Must Change: Jesus, Global Crisis, and a Revolution of Hope. Really good so far. This book is written as a companion piece to Brian's last book, The Secret Message of Jesus, which Brian recaps in chapter one:

Jesus' message is not actually about escaping this troubled world for heaven's blissful shores, as is popularly assumed, but instead is about God's will being done on this troubled earth as it is in heaven.

He begins Everything Must Change with a discussion of what he sees as critical global crises, and some of the causes of these crises--the key one being a spirituality crisis.

Chapter two begins with two questions that have shaped McLaren's life:

1. What are the biggest problems in the world?
2. What does Jesus have to say about these global problems?

Combined into one question: What could change if we applied the message of Jesus--the good news of the kingdom of God--to the world's greatest problems?

This really speaks to me. I've been increasingly frustrated that we spend so much time and energy and money on the big issues according to the Christian/political right--abortion, gay marriage, trying to fix some countries (while letting genocide continue in others). These are important issues; but what about poverty, hunger, AIDS pandemic, war, violence, the health care crisis...?

Brian's questions seem like they should be obvious, but when we look around, not many of us are letting them influence us. I want to be a part of changing that.

new McLaren book

I got an advanced reader's copy of Brian McLaren's new book, Everything Must Change. I'll begin reading and blogging about it tonight!

listening

Obviously I have a severe case of writer's block. Been really busy, but want to write, just need to do it!

We've been talking for last few weeks about faith and justice, trying to get our small faith community to try to see people, life, issues--from God's perspective, and from the perspective of those who are different. I think that those of us in power--for the most part, white, upper middle class Americans--struggle to read the Bible as God intends--because much of it is written to the poor, oppressed, and marginalized.

So I want to find ways to help our folks see God's heart for people like that; but struggle in how to do it. What do I say? What stories do we tell? What videos do we watch that will help us get it? Then it hit me that we need to stop trying to say too much; and start with listening. Being quiet and still before God. Instead of discussing with each other and giving our ideas and answers, we need to be humble and pray and ask God to change our hearts, our perspectives, and to help us see more with His perspective.

So I'm trying to be quiet and listen, and encourage our folks to do the same.

Brian McLaren interview

Here's a great interview with Brian on The Wittenburg Door.

slowly working through Pete Rollins's book

Haven't posted about Pete Rollins lately...from chapter three of How (Not) To Speak of God:

...our reflections on God never bring us to God...speaking of God is never speaking of God but only ever speaking about our understanding of God. (p. 32)

This inspires me to seek God humbly. To strive to know Him better, and receive His love; but not to think I've got Him figured out. When I read others who say the Bible is clear and without ambiguity; I just don't think that's honest. The Bible is wonderful and confusing and beautiful and mysterious. I don't think God wants it to be easy for us. I think he wants us to pursue Him and wrestle with the Bible; always asking and listening and learning.

Here is one of the posters from Emerging Grace:

check this out

There is this huge thing going on between emerging church folks and several folks who run watchdog websites--people who feel it's their calling to point out why everybody who thinks differently is wrong.

One of these sites is Pyromaniacs. They recently published a series of posters mocking the emerging church conversation. They are very creative, but a little mean-spirited.

Emerging Grace has just published a series of posters that better represent her perspective on the conversation. They are really wonderful.

oops

Two days ago I said I was going to try to post every day. That didn't last long! It's 11 pm; I'm totally and completely exhausted. After a very stressful week I preached twice today; at New Hope (our old church) in the morning, and at Convergence tonight. I don't see how many pastors do this every week.

But it's a good kind of exhaustion; it was a good day; got to spend time with a lot of friends, old and new.

I spoke this morning about finding our identity in God's love. Simple yet profound; something that I think many of us just don't get. I spent some time reading some other blogs; watching people fight about doctrine and right belief; totally void of the love of God. Sad. I shouldn't waste my time there; but it's like passing an accident and not being able to keep from looking.

Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.

John 17:3

random thoughts

I'm allowing myself to be way too busy. I'm going to try to start writing every day; even if it's just a sentence or two. God is getting our attention in a big way right now. We recently found out our health insurance is not going to cover Jamie's pregnancy and delivery of the baby (Jamie is due in 6 weeks). There was a waiting period when we added Jamie to the policy, and we didn't read the fine print. Dumb mistake on my part; but I'm not going to dwell on it...

This has forced us to our knees, praying for faith that God will provide, and wisdom to make good decisions. I'm stressed, but that keeps me turning to God. We've talked about doing a home birth with a nurse or midwife--anyone have any experience with that?

I'm working on a sermon for Sunday--preaching at New Hope, my old church--about how we often find our identity in what we do, rather than in God. Very good stuff for me; I'll post some notes and thoughts when I'm done.

I am grateful to Stushie, who reviewed my blog here and encouraged me to write more often.

baseball

I went to the Nationals' game vs. the Cubs Monday night with John, Kenny, and Ed. I love baseball. There is something about the perfect symmetry of the field, the green grass, the relaxed pace that suddenly gets broken by a hit or a run...the ballpark has always been one of my favorite places to watch, eat, drink, and hang with friends.

But baseball is also hard for me these days. I used to umpire high school ball in Texas; it was a real joy and passion in my life. As a single guy, I worked games 5-6 days a week and loved it. My best friends were guys I worked with. Some of my favorite memories are umping tournament games at the Rangers Little League park, then going out for dinner and beers with my buddies. I remember working a no-hitter thrown by a guy that later got drafted. I once worked a ten-year-old AAU national championship game--what a celebration!

Since moving to VA and becoming a husband and father, baseball has taken a backseat. I haven't umped a game in five years; and I really miss it. I can't drive by a high school field without feeling a deep sense of loss and longing. And if there's actually a game going on when I drive by--forget it; I'm depressed for a few hours.

Now, I wouldn't change anything--my wife and kids give me more joy than I've ever known. But I still miss baseball. I hope that in a few years, when we're past the baby stage, I'll be able to get back into it. I look forward to taking Brady to his first major league game, and teaching him the intricacies of the game. Baseball is a lot like life--full of beauty, sometimes slow and relaxed, sometimes full of confusion and surprise and heartbreak. Some games you can't wait for the end; others you wish would go on forever.

As I sat and watched the other night, I felt so content; happy to be with my friends, feeling a cool summer breeze, seeing some good baseball action, and thinking of my family waiting at home for me--one of those "life is good" moments.

freedom

last night we talked about bondage and freedom. In studying and preparing, I wrestled with the idea of freedom in Christ. Where is that balance between not being under the law, yet not having freedom to do anything and everything we want. If there are things we can't or shouldn't do, are we truly free?

Then it hit me that freedom isn't about being able or allowed to do anything/everything; freedom is about connecting with God, and being free, (not being restricted) from anything that gets in the way of us becoming God's. Freedom is living life the way God intended; loving Him, loving people. True freedom helps us be authentic, who we truly are.

We talked about being in bondage to things--the law, guilt, selfishness, bad habits, negative self talk, a sense of duty, unhealthy relationships...but we can also be in bondage to things that appear to be good--serving, ministry, work; if we do them because we think we ought to.

True freedom is becoming all that I can when God's Spirit lives in and through my life. It happens as there is less and less between God and me, and more of Him in me.

change

nothing huge to say tonight; just some random thoughts about change, which we talked about in worship Sunday night...one of our men pointed out that everything in the universe changes; I know that's kind of obvious, but I had never really given it much thought. Pretty cool...

I looked back over my own life and was amazed at how much (and how often) change has occurred. Even skipping over the childhood changes, here's a run-down:
15--parents divorced
17--fell in love/got my heart broken
18--finished high school
joined the army
went to Colorado
partied hard for 2 years
20--started college
became a Christian
24--ended 3 year relationship
25--grad. college
started full-time ministry
27--moved to Fort Worth, TX
10 years in TX--8 homes, 6 jobs, 5 girlfriends
37--moved back to VA
38--got married
gained a daughter
lost my father
39--bought first house
41--fathered a son
became a lead pastor
42--another baby coming

it never slows down!

We talked about how some people thrive on change, while others are uncomfortable or fearful of change.

I also began thinking about how change happens in two ways:

1. change that we initiate; taking risk, attempting something new, making a decision that leads to change
2. change that happens to us, outside our control, because of choices other people make, or God, or chance...

I guess it's about approaching life proactively or reactively. I think those that seek change (for good reasons) tend to get the most out of life, or enjoy it most.

So my question/challenge for anyone reading this: look at change in your life--do you initiate change, or is it something that tends to happen to you? I'd love to hear comments!

a great deal, and great tv

check out this incredible deal at amazon. Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christian trilogy boxed set, usually $65.85, on sale for $13.17! These books really changed a lot of how I think about and see and experience God. I know Brian is considered controversial by some; but honestly, these books are phenomenal. I bought 5 today to hold onto for future gifts.
Update: the sale is over. bummer.

I'm not usually a fan of reality TV, but my favorite new show is Top Chef, on Bravo. It's kind of like Survivor meets American Idol meets Rachel Ray. It's fun watching the contestants create these incredible dishes, and also watch them get competitive with each other. Check it out Wednesdays at 10 pm.

seeing yet not fully seeing God

From How (Not) To Speak of God, by Pete Rollins, chapter 2:

...we ought to affirm our view of God while at the same time realizing that that view is inadequate...it is important to bear in mind that this deconstruction is not destruction, for the questioning it engages in is not designed to undermine God but to affirm God.

I am grateful that God, while being above and beyond my grasp, makes Himself real and available to me. I do not have these conversations about God apart from Him, rather, He is a part of these discussions. I do not wrestle with questions of theology and philosophy on my own, I do it with Him! My doubts and struggles and questions do not undermine or diminish God--they could never do that--instead they make Him more real to me. The mystery doesn't keep me from him, rather it causes me to pursue Him more!

a rare sunday morning at home

not speaking anywhere this morning; trying to get a paper done for school--it's going to be late :(

The rest of the family is gone; so I'm having some quiet time before getting back to the paper. I have been reading Elizabeth Edwards's book Saving Graces. I spent the last half hour crying as I read the chapter about the death of her 16-year-old son. Obviously being a father with a pre-teen, a baby, and a baby on the way makes this hit home. I lost my father three years ago, and still grieve over that; but I cannot imagine losing one of my children.

Mrs. Edwards writes with honesty and strength and beauty. The book is wonderful (so far); I highly recommend it.

rough day

today was one of the roughest days I've had since becoming a pastor. One of our friends who has worshiped with us several times sent an email with feedback on last night's worship. Most of the feedback she has given in the past has been very positive; but this one was extremely negative, from start to finish, and most of it was about me.

I tend to be very sensitive, and was exhausted after working all weekend; so the email hit me pretty hard. I let myself feel the pain of being harshly criticized for a while, then tried to evaluate the criticism. Much of it was founded. We evaluate our worship honestly each week, and I was thinking some of the same things. We had a discussion about wisdom; and the discussion never really moved beyond pat, "churchy" answers. Not what we wanted; but we were not prepared enough to go where I would have liked to take it. That's our fault, and I know we'll learn from that.

I think what was hardest was not the criticisms, but the way they were presented. Email is tough; you don't see facial expressions or hear someone's tone of voice. It was also hard because there was nothing positive, just one negative after another. It's always easier to take criticism if there is some encouragement as well.

It also hurt because this is a person I genuinely like. We've had a few conversations that I really enjoyed; and I have been looking forward to growing a friendship. I hope that will still happen. I also hope they will not be put off by this experience. I say all the time that worship is different week to week; I hope they will give us another chance!

speaking God's name

How (Not) to Speak of God, Pete Rollins, chapter 2:

God is not a theoretical problem to somehow resolve but rather a mystery to be participated in...'knowing' in the Hebrew tradition is about engaging in an intimate encounter rather than describing some objective fact: religious truth is thus that which transforms reality rather than that which describes it. (p. 23, emphasis mine)

Why are some people so opposed to mystery? Why do they belittle the faith of those who speak of God in these ways? Are people afraid that God can't do what he wants in the lives of people unless they figure him out and come to absolute conclusions about Him? Isn't He great enough to work in the midst of mystery?

If I had to choose between understanding God or experiencing God; I'd take the latter. But I don't think we have to choose; I think both are possible to a point...but that understanding comes in bits and pieces, in many ways. Since I have been letting go of trying to make the Bible and my theology fit into a neat package, I've experience God in so many ways--through the Bible, through God's Spirit, through relationships, through daily life, through Creation. I've said before nothing helps me know and experience the love of God more than the relationships I have with my children.

Yesterday B said his first word. I wish it was "daddy," but it wasn't. It was "Grandpa." Sitting and playing on my step-dad J's lap, he said "Grandpa;" not once, but four times! It was beautiful seeing the tears of joy in J's face. As a baby, B doesn't know or understand a lot. But he knows who loves him, and he knows who he loves, and he expressed his love in a beautiful way simply by saying the name of the one he loves. "Grandpa."

May we love the same way, "Father...Abba...Daddy..."

One of my struggles is reading the emerging church watchdogs. I know I shouldn't; it's a waste of time, but I do it anyway. The more I read, the more I'm amazed that professing Christians can behave this way. Maybe by sharing some of this and trying to laugh about it will help me not get so frustrated about it. A recent favorite was the guy who referred to the emerging conversation as the "emergent church spiritual bowel movement. ." Kind of ironic since he also refers to emergents as "potty-mouths."