holy discontent

Last year I heard Bill Hybels give a great talk on vision. He said that there is a prerequisite to getting a vision.

"What happens in a leader is that they have this thing called holy discontent. There's something in their spirit that they're unsettled about, something that really bothers them," explained Hybels. “The discontent forces the leader to act.”

Years ago I worked in a residential treatment facility for children; caring for kids who had been abused, neglected, and abandoned. It was exhausting, heartbreaking, yet rewarding work. I never felt that working with children was my calling, even though I taught middle and high school English for six years and loved it.

But over the last couple years I've had a growing "holy discontent" that Hybels talked about. It has intensified since Brady was born. One day I was holding him, loving him; and it hit me, hard, that there are millions of children, babies, who don't have parents who love them and feed them and care for them.

I've always known this, but it took having a baby of my own for it to really hit me. It hurts me to hear Brady cry; and there is no greater joy than picking him up and seeing him smile as I love on him. It breaks my heart to think of all the babies, as beautiful and precious as my Brady, who cry and cry with no one to pick them up and comfort them. That thought brings tears to my eyes.

I thought my calling was to pastor, mostly with people like me. But I'm afraid that God is growing this discontent about children in me, and that eventually it's going to be too strong to ignore, and then I'm going to have to do something about it. I'm praying--curiously, reluctantly...