Rich Mullins film is coming!

After hearing about a Rich Mullins movie for a couple years, I finally saw a trailer today.

I watched it over and over, and it brought back many memories...

I was introduced to Rich's music in 1986. I was a new Christian, and everyone was listening to Amy Grant at the time. I went with some friends to see her in concert at the Patriot Center, the arena at George Mason University, where I was a student.

Rich opened for Amy. I think he sang "Sing Your Praise to the Lord," a song Rich wrote that became a big hit for Amy. I was greatly impacted by his music. I bought his debut album and listened over and over.

I bought every album he put out from then on.

"Awesome God" was probably his biggest hit, but I preferred some of his lesser known songs. A few early favorites of mine were "If I Stand" and "Home."

In 1991 and 1992 Rich released The World As Best As I Remember It, volumes 1 and 2. Both were amazing albums, with "Step By Step," "I See You," "Waiting," "All the Way My Savior Leads Me" and "Sometimes By Step."

In 1993 came A Liturgy, a Legacy, & a Ragamuffin Band, with "Creed" and "Hold Me, Jesus." The album was later chosen number three on CCM's greatest albums in Christian music.

Rich's music became the soundtrack for much of my life in my twenties and thirties. I listened to him all the time. "Hold Me Jesus" was my go-to song when I was hurting, afraid, uncertain about life, and who I was, and where I was going.

"Creed" was my inspiration, when I needed a spiritual boost. "Step By Step" and "Waiting" were my prayers, as I reached out to God and sought his presence.

I remember when Rich died in 1997. I was in seminary in Fort Worth, and went over to my girlfriend's apartment one day. She sat me down on the sofa and told me Rich had been killed in an auto accident. I sat there stunned for a minute, then began to cry. I felt like I had lost a close friend.

Rich also introduced me to one of my favorite writers, Brennan Manning, starting with his book The Ragamuffin Gospel--which is my absolute favorite book ever.

In 2002, I was leading a campus ministry at GMU. In October we went to a retreat at Eagle Eyrie, near Lynchburg, VA. The speaker for the retreat was James Bryan Smith, a professor, writer and speaker. Jim and Rich were good friends; in 2000 Jim wrote Rich Mullins: An Arrow Pointing to Heaven.

It was a beautiful picture of Rich's life, music and ministry.

I was thrilled to meet Jim, and hoped to get a minute or two to chat. One day at lunch, I had been talking with students and went to get some food as most were leaving the cafeteria. Jim came in, and we ended up sitting together and talking.

He shared wonderful stories of Rich's life and their friendship--Rich lived with Jim and his family for a time, and Rich wrote "Madeline's Song" for Jim's daughter, who was born with severe health problems, and died six months after Rich's death.

We talked for about an hour, and it was wonderful. Spending that time with a close friend of Rich and hearing personal stories about his life was amazing. I was so grateful to God, and to Jim, for that time. I left feeling even closer to Rich, who has made such a big impact on my life, in many ways.

If you don't know Rich's music, LISTEN! I've linked to many of his songs, I encourage you to take some time and let God sing to you through Rich.

Goodbyes and other changes

Old age creeps in...I wrote this post in March, thought I posted it, but didn't. It's been sitting in my drafts for over a month. Better late than never...


I've probably written about goodbyes before; they happen a lot the older I get. Change is part of life, yada, yada...

But change and goodbyes never get easier. And last week was a tough one.

Last year I moved into a leadership position at Logos and was assigned an administrative assistant. Lauren transferred to our team from another department. She was friendly and professional and eager to learn.

She soon became the hub of our department and worked hard to help us all be successful. We worked together a lot, and quickly got to know each other. Our team ate lunch together once a week. Lauren and her boyfriend came to Cash's birthday party.

We would often start Mondays by telling each other about our weekends. Lauren always asked about how Jamie was doing, and was an encouragement to me during that time.

When work was difficult, Lauren was a loyal co-worker and a good friend. She became one of my favorite people, and made work a more enjoyable place. I came to see her kind of like a little sister. (although I'm old enough to be her dad : )

Lauren and her boyfriend both recently got great jobs in Seattle, so they have moved down there.

I am really excited for them, watching them begin a great new adventure together. But I will miss seeing her at work. I know we'll stay in touch, we talked about taking my family down and hanging out with them in Seattle.

Work won't be the same without her, and I'm sad for that.

But I am glad for the time we did work together, and for how Lauren's kindness and encouragement helped me when Jamie was going through her treatment, and when I was going through frustrating times at work.

Lauren is the most recent in a long line of wonderful people that have impacted my life, and made it a little better. Saying goodbye is always hard; but I am so grateful for Lauren, and the others to whom I've had to say goodbye, because the hard goodbye means the friendship was special. And that's good.

A Lesson in the Cold

Brady had baseball practice tonight, even though it was freezing, and halfway into the practice it started raining. It was so cold that at one point I looked around and realized all the parents had gone to their cars in the parking lot. Cash and I were the only ones still watching.

After a while, Brady came over to the dugout, where Cash and I were standing and watching. He was in tears, his face and hands red and frozen. He wanted to go home.

"Brady, we can't just leave. Your teammates are out there practicing, and you're part of the team. I know it's tough, but keep moving, keep your hand in your pocket and try to be strong."

He began crying, asking me to please take him home.

I told him I would, but that he needed to go tell his coach he needed to go. He didn't want to, and kept talking and crying about being cold.

I wanted to take him home. I wanted to tell his coach he was crazy to keep practicing. I thought about how sometimes at work I don't agree with the decisions made by those above me.

I told Brady, "You have two options, Buddy. You can tell your coach that you're just too cold and sore and need to leave, or you can go back out there in the field and keep going."

He stood there a minute, then ran back out on the field. Soon it was Brady's turn to bat. He came in and hit several balls, even though I could tell it hurt his hands each time he connected.

A few minutes later, Coach said enough and ended practice.

I went up to Brady in the dugout and knelt down in front of him. I took his face in my hands and said, "Brady, I have never been more proud of you than I am right now. I know you hurt, and wanted to leave. I wanted to leave. But I am so proud that you went out there and kept working."

His red face broke into a big smile, and we raced to the car.

I love being a dad.

Another New Year

A new year. Hard to believe.
Another chance for me to try once again to be more faithful in writing.

Random thoughts today...

Excited for a new year, new opportunities, new challenges (and some that continue)...

I preached Sunday about moving from self-consciousness to God-consciousness.

You can listen here if you are interested.

It's something I'm working on, and really want to work on with my kids... I want them to grow up bold and free and unashamed.

This past year has been the most stressful of my life--Jamie's battle with cancer (which has been a big victory--she had her last treatment 4 weeks ago and is doing great!) and stress at work have been the main factors.

Money is always an issue, but we have been very blessed by God and by family and friends who have helped out.

I've been fortunate to get part-time work at our church, where I preach once a month. The people there are great and have quickly become family.

The kids are doing great--I can't believe Ashley is a junior. She is doing great in school, and becoming more wonderful every day!

The boys are growing by the minute--they are so much fun and make Christmas such a joyful time.

I have gained a little weight this year, but taking advantage of the new year to make some changes in diet and exercise. I have my 30-year high school reunion next summer (which sounds unbelievable every time I say it or write it), a good time to try to get back into shape.

I also want to recommit to spending time with God, reading, praying, thinking and writing.

One of the reasons we moved to Washington was for life to slow down, and it has. But I need to slow down my thoughts, and specifically my worries; and enjoy each day, each minute, with my amazing family.

Rain

After 81 days without rain, the boys celebrate.

Brennan Manning--Furious Longing of God

Brennan Manning is one of my favorite writers. The Ragamuffin Gospel had a profound impact on me. If you haven't read it, go get a copy NOW and start reading. It will change your life.

One of his recent books is called The Furious Longing of God. My father-in-law gave it to me a few years ago, but I never got around to reading it. I'm reading it now; I'll share some thoughts as I go through it.

The seldom-stated truth is that many of us have a longing for God and an aversion to God. Some of us seek Him and flee Him at the same time.

I'm doing some thinking about that. My first response is, "no; I don't run from God."

But what I think I do is run from the fullness of God. I keep God at a distance. I seek him occasionally, talk, vent, ask, listen...but more often I wave, glance, have a quick, passing conversation.

I don't slow down and just spend time with God the way I did, when I was young and single and didn't have any responsibility.

Now with work and kids and home and sports and a full calendar, it takes major effort to seek God and spend quality time.

But it is worth the effort. When I do put the energy into it, and listen, and share, and just be with God, I become more grounded, more centered, more peaceful.

And I know that God can handle me when I seek Him, and when I flee. And He's still there, either way.

I must read. I must write.

I have been far too absent here. Why? I sometimes struggle with what to write about.

I feel like I need to be careful. Why? Probably fear. Fear that I will say something that will get me into trouble.

Several years ago I was talking with a church about serving as their interim pastor. I preached there several times, met with the deacons, and answered all their questions.

I was scheduled to preach again one Sunday, and worship would be followed by a Q & A with the congregation. The church would then vote on calling me as their interim pastor.

On Thursday evening I got an email from the chairman of the deacons that they had changed their minds about hiring an interim pastor, and that I didn't need to come preach Sunday.

I called him to find out what was going on, and after some gentle pushing, got him to tell me that someone had found some past writings on my blog that concerned them, and that some folks had convinced the deacons not to consider me.

I never got details on what specifically I had written that bothered them, but I imagine it had something to do with posts I wrote before the 2008 election. I was pretty open about my views going into the election, and quoted writings from pastors and authors about the election.

I got into some good discussions/debates with friends over religion and politics. I probably said something that made some folks at that church think I was too liberal. And I lost the job. It was pretty bad timing--a time when I really needed the job.

Anyway, I realized that I needed to be careful about what I write. Guys like Brian McLaren and Mark Driscoll (see me being neutral here?) can get away with say what they think. They are secure enough in their roles as writers and pastors and have enough followers that they don't have to worry about offending anyone. (I mean, they both offend people, but it doesn't come back to bite them.)

I'm now working for a Bible software company. Not in ministry, but kind of close. I did once have a potential customer tell me they googled me before our phone meeting. And I do still think about going back into church ministry, so I feel I need to be careful.

But I have to write. I don't feel like myself if I'm not. And I'm so tired of all the fighting, I don't want to write about politics or religion in ways that invite debate.

So I'm going to write about what I'm thinking and reading, but try to do it in ways that are productive for both me and anyone who reads.

I'm starting Brennan Manning's The Furious Longing of God. More tomorrow...

Instinct

Brady is a great soccer player--way above his years--and gets most of the sports attention between the boys these days. But tonight, Cash had a great moment to shine.

We were at Brady's soccer practice; I was playing with Cash while Brady was with his teammates.

We had a goal set up and we were taking turns shooting--one would shoot while the other played goalie.

Cash was in the goal, and I was taking some pretty hard shots at him. He missed a few, but stopped most of them.

At one point I shot toward his left, he ran to block it and kicked it back to me. I immediately took another shot, to the same side. He was moving back to his right when the ball came flying to his left. In an instant, he twisted his body and his left hand shot up and knocked the ball away.

It was amazing; I couldn't believe how quickly he moved.

I cheered him, then walked over and sat down with him.

"I want to talk about that Cash; that was a great save! Sometimes when we do something, we think about it first, right?"

I don't know if he got it, but he nodded.

"Just then, when I kicked the ball, you didn't think about what to do; you didn't have time to think. You just reached out and hit the ball.

"That's called instinct, Cash. That's when your mind and your body work together, and you do what you need to do without even thinking about it.

"That's what great athletes do, Cash. They act on instinct. They make a great play like that (I snapped my fingers) without even thinking. And that's what you do, Cash. You are a great athlete!"

He smiled ear-to-ear and gave me the biggest hug. 

It was a great moment. I am truly amazed at his talent, whatever sport we are playing. And I love cheering him on.